I used to preemptively dodge any potential would you like to / can you do X follow-ups by making vague allusions to being busy upfront (PASSIVE), and then Id weakly paw away their insisting that I can/should be able to do it because THEY think I have the time to. I get what are you doing this weekend? or just what are you doing? on a Saturday morning. HUGE, HUGE, HUGE numbers of parents of adult children pull this exact same rude little stunt, and its designed to make the adult child respond to powerful guilt buttons installed by the parent and capitulate to what the parent wants, because the adult child is programmed to believe if they dont have a good enough excuse, they have to go attend on the parent at the time in question. And for that age range of teens into mid-twenties, its developmentally normal to not adult well in spaces/tasks/areas of endeavor where they cannot do so unsurveilled by childhood parental authority figures, but to abruptly adult extremely well and competently when freed from that surveillance. Soft invites in my friend circle are more just a mutually understood shorthand for I value your friendship so Im going to express a genuine desire to hang out even were both depressed and introverted and therefore the likelihood of this actually happening is pretty low.. This has not happened to me, that I know about, but aunt has a sibling who does not hang out with the family much, for reasons that dont need exploring at this juncture, and I have heard them say stuff like I cant believe shed rather [wash her hair/go to the doctor/chores/etc] than have lunch with us. or right out, shes making up excuses to not go out with us. And some family members are theyre hurt by it and some just dont get it. I prefer living and working in places with a major international contingent for that reason so that different is what is normal. I think people are missing the fact that LW is talking about some instances of this running down lines of power and dominance, which is why this is such a problem. That said, you do have to be ok with saying no. Its okay that I struggle with anxiety. You dont need to read their minds as to what they mean, suss out what they mean next, or throw up defenses against prying nosiness; most of the time, it will not be necessary. What works for you? . And when they do, you need to be prepared with the most appropriate reply to make the most of the situation. New day, old me, just doing routine stuff. Like "How are you?" can be asked formally and informally, the response of that can be a unique one, too. *Both of which are also used as shorthand for all the things you need to get done before you can do the thing you actually intend to do, which is often an accurate description of my evenings. Me: Nope. This is where you really have to double down on the super-beaming positive manner of absolute assurance. I would say something like:"what have you done with yours so that i can learn what to do or avoid.". But Im willing to bet that LW knows that, and the reason he/she feels annoyed with the people asking it in his/her life are because theres a pattern and something bigger at work like maybe people trying to get him/her to do stuff, or, as he/she noted, people who want to hang out, but with him/her doing all the planning work. Im well aware of that risk. I dont hear it much in my circles, and if it does come up I just say something noncommittal and wait for them to present a direct invitation or request if they want to. If I just say it sounds fun but Im not up to it, they respect that. It can often be an explain why youre a POC kind of thing in many countries with white majorities, and seen as a whole (its a super widespread phenomenon) it shows how far away our societies are from truly accepting themselves are diverse. Its any individuals choice whether the tradeoffs are worth it. Thats possibly reasonable to do with a minor child, but youre still acting to preserve a parental level of dominance over her as an adult. The problem with these is that the aforementioned cousin who wants you to babysit may treat your I dont know as nothing at all, I have zero excuses. You need to know your audience, but it does work well for the nosy-only requests. This is how I deal with it: Based on your listed interests, it looks like we have a lot in common. I get the rude stealth favor askers too and it irritates. etc. I'm sorry I can't really talk right now. If you're worried your co-workers or boss will assume you need more to do if you don't talk about your heavy workload, go for this response. Depending on the purpose of the encounter, that might mark the end of the interaction or serve as an agreed-upon signal for one or the other or both parties to end the dance of content-free niceties and get to the point or commence the conducting of shared business. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? I love so hard your example in #3. I have a group of friends now whom I trust not to give me a hard time about the explicit choice to paint my toenails in front of Netflix instead of going out. Dont ask each of us the same question. No other adult would be here. Im pretty thoughtful about when I feel Im entitled to expect her participation, and when Im not. What about you?. #1078: "Sooooooowhat are you doing this weekend?" After answering you always ask the other person in return how they are, and they respond in kind. Im actually really surprised at how many people have expressed that they find this question neutral small talk and/or dont understand why it can feel so loaded. Yes, I know that is an inappropriate way to react. Its funny I dont even register the question How are you? (Ive lived equal times on the West and East coasts of the US), but I see a couple of UK commenters upthread and when I lived there I never, ever got used to You alright? which, functionally, isnt that different. I love you. What are you planning? and nowadays I find that a great answer. We should definetely try to avoid stealth scheduling questions. Tell me about you. Me: .No. When she asks me what Im doing on a particular day, I just say Im not sure or I need to check my calendar until she tells me what she wants. It sounds to me like an attempt to take away my ability to say no. I think a more appropriate reaction would be to apologize once, politely, then go away and process what I did wrong by myself. Do you like, like me? On the other end, I have a tactic for weekend planning. I used this to train my mom to use text/email instead, because 1) I hate phone and 2) a written message means much less chances of either one of us getting the details wrong. That is a question I ask a lot, but its aim for me usually isnt to exepect that if they are not doing things they will be free for whatever I want. And then they get all pissy because the girl is taken aback by being asked out so abruptly by this guy about whom she knows pretty much nothing except his appearance. Men who constantly try to manipulate women into doing all their emotional labor is a ridiculously huge problem in American culture right now. "Great, thanks for asking" is a generic response that you can use when you receive a "how's your day going" message. Now most parents dont really mean anything bad by this (theyre just used to being able to control their childs time and havent stopped to consider thats a rude way to treat an adult), so responding every time they try this with, Why, whats up? wont be a problem, followed by, that wont work for me if the invitation isnt something the adult child wants to do. I moved out from my parents when I was 25. Its okay that sometimes Im in physical pain and need time to recuperate. The bad news is that this question probably isnt going anywhere in our lifetime. 11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses - VIDA Select On the other hand, there are the problem/dominance-related ones: 1. Here are some fun things to do on weekends: Get Moving 1. But I explained that I feel like Im being put on the spot- and I would prefer that she just ask me what she wants. BUT! ), This is one of those times where having a live-in or serious SO/partner/spouse is super convenient. Sometimes your lover or friend may forget to send you a morning text. That way they know Im not just sitting around with nothing to do, so I havent just signed myself up for free babysitting or moving services. Amusing to think of borrowing a line from upthread: Well, it sounds like youre inviting me to something interesting! I am admittedly very sensitive to potential power issues, so I have a hard time seeing when theyre really there and when Im just reacting as though they are. Just how I like it :). Teaching my fish how to swim. My Kid: No (shuts door again) Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. or are you busy?). (And boy howdy, did she get pissy when I responded with not really. We did NOT live together well.). A lot of the people old enough to have adult children at this point still put phone communication on some kind of pinnacle in their minds, because thats what they grew up with. Throwing another vote in for a friendly Why? or Why, whats up? Assuming I like them, I usually say it with a smile or an inviting tone. Be polite. And LW is already handling the situation in the best possible way by giving noncommittal answers. In the case of friends and dates, I feel like sometimes its a slightly manipulative way of getting me to do the actual asking / planning. But that was fun and consensual for both parties. This breaks the meaningless exchange of localized variations in air pressure aspect of the typical greeting, and most people seem to respond favorably to having good things introduced into a conversation. I really thought that an invitation was going to come later. The fallout you talk about? have a Canadian accent that some USians pick up, and I dont mind if people ask if Im Canadian). I like the fact that at my workplace, anything of that sort gets a polite reminder to all that US citizens come in accents of infinite variety, and its rude to imply that people arent from here in the same way that others are over something like an accent. Theres just no way, you see, that this is what a womans mind does, what she is for. Overwhelming majority of the time, someone who says why do you ask? wants to know why do you ask. I was going to say, my experience with We should hang out some time! and the like are that theyre more of a social gesture. Weekend gone! I completely get anything to do with joint maintenance of shared space responsibilities for shared spaces need to be clearly shared out and individuals need to do their share. Funny Answers To What Are You Doing (WYD) - MomInformed For example, if there were a certain number of hours per week or month that she needs to work at certain things you set, Im not seeing a problem. You have to answer the . Its okay that sometimes my anxiety is bad. Or, if I tell a potential date some generic things (oh, probably reading and writing a lot) and add that Id like to take a break so they know Im open, Im engaging in the same coy behavior thats bothering me in the first place. I would think that any event for which one needs to book a venue and/or hire a caterer would also be the sort of event to which one sends some sort of formal invitation, which is not really the case for the situations the LW describes. When she asks me what Im doing on a particular day, I just say Im not sure or I need to check my calendar until she tells me what she wants. DP: No free time at ALL? I also ignore We should hang out soon! It doesnt replace actually reaching out to me and trying to set up plans. 3. But I think often we like to pretend that there are no such tradeoffs, and thats not helpful in the real world. It could trick your family members into thinking that you actually have your life together. But dont try to play us off against each other. Whenever people accept this answer, I know I am dealing with human beings who understand their goodness as a constant learning process. For an acquaintance, depends. My usual caveat- I am a very private person who others sometimes describe as off-putting and I perform the expected feminine social role like an ill-fitting plastic Halloween costume. At least Im bright enough to stay out of the control panel and remember my passwords. Helen Huntingdon mentioned interruptingI just want to say, thats a helluva an assumption. That wasnt an assumption it came directly from what you posted about deciding to take her leisure time. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" I love having something witty, funny, or even sarcastic cued up in response to one of the most common questions asked in any given day. Most dont mean to be manipulative, and if thats not their intention, Why, whats up? wont bother them in the slightest, nor will never finding out what you actually are doing next Thursday or what you did with that time if you turned them down. One of the costs of challenging social rules is that it makes it harder for people to learn them. Me: Nope. How to Respond to a WYD Text - Sweety High Also it varies on friend one friend, if I ask him if hes free Friday, we both understand that means beer and movies until the early hours, by default. If an invitation to something materializes at this reply, I have no problem saying No. Lots of commenters here are noting that people ask about weekend plans as small talk. How To Answer "What Do You Do For Fun?" (With Examples) I usually just respond with I have tentative plans with a friend why do you ask? Lots of wiggle room there. Oh man.I think this sort of thing bugs me because my dad very carefully taught me to ask/invite people for a specific activity/time precisely to avoid this scenario. a s h l e y. 2, They ask assuming Im also from somwhere else, prepared to bond over that and my answer is almost always a small dissapointment and Im never sure quite what to do with that. IMO the correct answer to we should get lunch some time or lets hang out is actually sure, Saturdays are generally good for me or Ive been meaning to see Black Panther. Accompany your morning treating with a Halloween wish. Basically the thing you wrote about duties like babysitting, expanded to fun events. Also Go ahead and get your friends to hate me and think Im mean, if its ever helpful to you. Fine, thanks.. OK, you want to ASK if hell help you w/ your home maintenance, fine, but these are not HIS chores anymore. Numbered point 4 specifically says LW doesnt understand why people are asking this, hence the many explanations of different reasons people ask, and while the possible manipulation is noted in numbered points 2 and 3, its not the only thing LW is asking about, while point 3 suggests to me that LW may well be reading manipulation into cases where people are just curious or are actually trying to do the planning themselves (by finding out if LW is even available for a possible activity), not trying to make zir do the planning, as ze suspects. Her example story of failing to ride herd on rude white people sufficiently involved being at some luncheon or other with a couple of her grad students from India. ), but I can tell you that even from that POV, I generally have few expectations of this kind of question. "Weekends are days to refuel your soul and to be grateful for the blessings that you have." - Anonymous 2. In fact this letter reminds me a lot of a lady I knew once who moved to the US from a different english-speaking country and took offense to people asking her where she was from when they heard her accent. Another example: My parents both corrected their local accents to American Standard Television English long before I was born, so I grew up with that accent myself. Situation #4: You have to say "no.". I can see where laundry might be a perfectly good excuse NOT to go with your aunt to somewhere you dont want to go. To the point she gets fallout for being unhelpful if she doesnt do it? Id rather know the thing up front so I can answer it directlyare you free without telling me the activity feels like a setup. Funny Response to How Are You There are many fun things we could say and people will think that you're smart and interesting! - Casey Stengel Yes, this. This is a very funny response to give to "whats up." I wish the day also comes with a lot of fun and blessing for you. I know whats best for me. If they continue after that, theyre super pushy and rude and Ill say as much. As a lot of commenters have pointed out what are you doing this weekend can be asked in a variety of contexts with a variety of motives BUT one thing that has tended to work well for me is to just pick one thing Im to talk about without mentioning when it is: Im looking forward to my birdwatching class! or Partner and I are going on a hike! and then asking about their weekend. They specifically mentioned 4 contexts where the asker then does go on to invite them to do something or asks for a favor. I mean, what else are you supposed to do with life? And I mean, its legit to decide that youre willing to pay the cost, that youre okay with people deciding that you are unsociable or unfriendly or rude. I can vouch for this strategy! I agree!! "When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark." 2. Thats because I regard is as manipulative and Im very surprised that some people consider it a way to make saying no easier instead of harder. I dont give any indication as to what I am up to until they tell me what they are up to. After reading comments, Ive come to the conclusion that Ive over-generalized my preference (anxiety? Ive now got a standard policy of dont know, Ill have to check my calendar and get back to you. Its okay that I usually spend my weekends watching movies/playing videogames/reading and those arent shameful hobbies. Take care of your boundaries! Ask back? And then when you part somebody accidentally says love you, too. Thats how it always happens for me, anyway. 110 Weekend Quotes to Wish You a Restful Break - Quote Ambition YES, THIS. I, personally, like to ask what are you doing this weekend, something fun? when small-talking with my co-workers and friends, and I also hate this question with a passion when its a step to an actual invitation (two very different things!). And if I run into but surely you dont need BOTH days to yourself? Im also prepared to retort with something like, Maybe you dont, but Im very excited for two days to decompress. She had already asked him. 4) "When asked what I did over the weekend, I reply, 'Why, what did you hear?'" 5) And it's weekend memes baby!!! Source: Facebook. Are you willing? or, if Im feeling that Im entitled to demand it, Ill say, are you available? (example: Im not going to react well if you want to play Minecraft instead of helping me wrap the favors for grandpas birthday dinner; if youre getting together with friends, online or IRL, or doing homework, OK). ), OMG YES can this question please die FOREVER? Re #1, true that. friend: yep cool ooh. 20 Funny Out-of-Office Messages to Inspire Your Own [+ Templates] - HubSpot Theyre couched as requests, and a truly good reason would be all the excuse we would need. Since LW was talking about very short-term questions, I certainly hope no one is asking because they need to tell the caterer! Bye. I have a couple of friends/acquaintances(sp? I didnt feel like talking to her much for several months. Im surprised to find out this is annoying, I guess, because I am such a What are you up to this weekend? asker when I want to hang out. I dont want to give you a rundown of my plans. Them : Ah, then Ill get back to you (They never get back to you). *Him: Hello, how are you? This is how I feel too. I mean, where are you REALLY from, but whats up is harder, since nothing/dont know tends to elicit a why not? or you should be/do more fun! And I dont know what to say to that, because no just seems rude and I didnt invite them to improve my life. E- Excitement. Bear in mind that you may only ask where are you from once, but the person with the non-local accent is not unlikely to be asked multiple times a day, every single day for YEARS; and POC may be on the receiving end for their whole lives. Thanks to this blog, mostly , Yeah, I also dont entirely understand how the question could be meant to make it easier to decline an invitation. I think the reason is that telling people about fun things is potentially fairly personal. Its not a question I like either, some of which is due to manipulative/pushy people angling for my time/energy like in the letter, and some of it is due to feeling like I have to feign excitement or a more interesting life in order to keep the conversation going, which is draining (IDK if this is an introvert vs extrovert thing or like how some people seem to have no trouble filling the conversation or making their lives sound interesting; I am not one of those people). I use this regularly, as does most of my social group. But it needs to be a set rent, that can be codified and set down in a form you could use with any other adult, should the fancy take you. Published: August 09, 2021. How hard is it, whats the timing, is it just for me personally (thats a favor), or is it for the greater familyHER greater family? And partly because, depending on exactly what one wants and what cost one is willing to pay, challenging the culture is how it gets changed. 80 Witty & Creative Response to "How Are You?" - My Clever Mind